restlessness

I can sympathize with the need to get out, get away, do something different, the feeling that unless you take that job right now and move away from here, you're wasting yourself, stagnating. I can sympathize. There's a restlessness cropping up in me as well, but I'm afraid it won't be satisfied by anything outside myself. Rather than moving my body and then asking, in a parody of the Verizon commercial, "Can I hear me now?", I think I'll stay put. Instead of examining various solutions to apply to the restless feelings, I'll examine the feelings themselves.

And yet, I still need a distraction, I think. There are things I don't want to examine too closely, probably because I already know what I'll find. Friendship is troubling. Friends sometimes leave, and I can't replace them like I can the money that leaves my wallet. One dollar bill is like another, but one friend is unique, irreplaceable. The effort involved in finding someone else to share what I've shared with you just makes me tired, makes me irritated. It's not worth the trouble. I can't replace you and I won't try. So I'll pout and just have no friends because a dear one is leaving? No, but I can feel a chapter closing and another one opening for both of us. I'll work on acceptance. It's a good lesson and another chance to depend on my zen practice for support.

What a lesson! Change is inevitable and acceptance is difficult. I'm grateful for the chance to learn that all over again, grateful but pissed at having to be grateful. I think I'd rather be secure in my ignorance than knowledgeable, but like the story goes, I don't think I can fool myself very well anymore. So since I have a hard time fooling myself, I need that distraction. It's time to look outside myself a bit and take a risk or two, hence the return to martial arts practice and the renewed vigor of my zen studies.

While I doubt that you'll find whatever it is you're looking for out there, I still hope you find something that contents you. Our friendship makes me content, and there are few things that ever did, ever do or ever will, I think. In the end, though, you're leaving, I'm staying, and I think the friendship meant more to me than it did to you. I'm satisfied with the status quo. You aren't. That basic inequality is not negotiable, at least under current circumstances. I suspect you'll come to a new equilibrium where we stay in touch, just not as close. That'll be the status quo that makes you content and leaves me wanting more. Things will still be unequal, but the balance will tip the other way.

I'm reminded of Eliot's "That is not what I meant at all." I'm just persisting in my delusion, but from your side, what I feel is not what you meant at all. Acceptance is hard, but I can wave goodbye even when I don't want to.

DB
_/\_

comparing sacred texts

--- On Tue, 9/14/10, [namewithheld] wrote:

> Speaking literally/stylistically, how do you
> (yes you) compare the Koran with the Bible (Old or New
> Testament)?

That's a really hard question to answer because of the variables involved. For instance, which version of the Bible? King James? New Revised Standard? I think as English speakers we all gravitate towards those wonderful King James version wordings. That's the english of Shakespeare, after all, and has a rhythm that pleases our ear even though it sounds archaic.

The Arab world certainly thinks that the Koran is great literature. I don't have enough comparative experience with any definitive texts of either the Koran or the Bible to really say which is better. I've only ever read this one translation of the Koran, and only a small part of that. I don't know if it was done with an ear for language or to preserve literal meaning or what. I will say that it's boring and repetitive and, to my ear, seems to be aping some other style. That is, it seems an IMITATION of a sacred text, not a sacred text itself, if that makes sense. It sounds like someone exhorting troops and trying to inspire them more than anything else. It also appears to be talking down to people, or maybe speaking to a crowd.

The Bible has a wide range of styles, probably because of the wide range of authors over the years it was put together. Both the Koran and the Bible were worked on by different people at different times, but the Koran is more an expression of one man's crazed rantings than the Bible. The Bible seems more a collection of related stories, or chapters in a story told by separate people. The Koran seems to be the collected remembrances of what people heard Mohammed saying at a camp meeting before a battle. The style is flattened both by the fact that it's all about one man's exhortations and the fact that the translation I've got probably was done by good scholars, good linguists, but not necessarily by poets.

Buddhism doesn't really have sacred texts in the sense that the Bible and Koran are held to be the word of God or whatever. However, there are certainly a lot of Buddhist writings that date back 2,500 years or more, many of which are dazzling, thoughtful, insightful and inspiring (and boring, repetitive and stupid in cases). The writing of Dogen in the 12th century and Nargarjuna in the (I think) 2nd century are particularly good in that they stand out as well-reasoned and as philosophically rigorous as anything produced in modern times. I guess the point is that literature of both Buddhism and Christianity seems to be inspired by some transcendant event or individual; whether or not you personally believe what you're reading, you'd agree that the writing makes sense and is well done and could be inspirational.

I don't get that in reading the Koran at all. It sounds like the ravings of a good leader, possibly, but not a transcendant figure. No doubt I'm prejudiced against the Koran by what I know of terrorist Muslims, but at least I've tried to read it and see what they're reading to understand why they think the way they do. Over and over it's just a big mish-mash of "They're gonna get theirs in the end; God is on our side; be good and here's some rules to keep you pure so you win the battle." That's simply not very inspiring to me no matter how it's phrased.

My two cents.

DB
_/\_

that's good enough for me

From http://nebuddhist.blogspot.com/ - "I am Buddhist because I suffer and want to end suffering, for myself and all sentient beings."

That's about it, though I'm not so concerned about other sentient beings. In fact, truth be known, there are probably sentient beings I would drive up on the sidewalk to run over if I thought I could get away with it. So my daily vow that "Beings are numberless; I vow to free them," rings a bit hollow. However, the next line, "Delusions are inexhaustible; I vow to end them," is much more believable. It's a path, I guess, and I'm only a step or two down it. So, yeah, the above quote rings quite true.

wish I'd said it; I didn't, so I'll quote it

While change should certainly be eschewed for change sake and “progress” given a gimlet stare, the idea that Buddhism should adapt to the western culture it now finds itself in does not strike me as at all revolutionary. After all, that is what happened in almost every Asian country Buddhism has ever spread to. Why now the insistence on importing and preserving ancient forms which may or may not be integral to the Dharma itself? Practices which may only serve to alienate Americans and relegate Buddhism to the role of an exotic dish in an ethnic restaurant, rather than a useful medicine for the benefit of all? Of course, there is danger that something may be lost. But this danger exists in either case.

I cannot deny my upbringing – scientific and secular that it is. Therefore, though it may be insulting to Asian traditions, I cannot deny I find the idea of prayer wheels quaint and superstitious, prayer flags cheerful like children’s stories, opening oneself to the “blessings of the Buddhas from heave” lovely in theory, and the notion of rebirth about as reassuring as the belief that FEMA will come and save us from the flood.

However, I most emphatically do not think this makes me any less a Buddhist. Nor is the Buddhadharma any less applicable to my life. Suffering is. I suffer. I can be free from suffering. This is no less relevant should I fail to believe in rebirth or “providence” or the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Compassion can never lose relevancy. The search for freedom from self-centered delusion can never lose relevancy. The commitment to helping others can never lose relevancy.

-----------
Good stuff. Read the whole post at:
http://nebuddhist.blogspot.com/2010/05/being-bad-buddhist.html

precepts

Found this elsewhere and it's so perfect I have to present it as is with attribution:

To help us indentify actions that may get us into future trouble, the Buddha laid out for us the 10 Courses of Wholesome Kamma, which can also be described as the 10 shitty things to avoid because when you do them, you screw up your life every time. These 10 guides include everything in the Five Precepts, as well as a bit more specificity: don’t kill sentient beings, don’t take what doesn’t belong to you, don’t get carried away with your senses or have sex with the wrong people, which also includes don’t get smashed because you’ll do stupid things every time; don’t lie, but also don’t go talking trash about other people, even if you think they deserve to be bitch-slapped, which leads into not holding ill will toward others; stay away from harsh speech because it just makes you look like a troll or a member of Fred Phelps’ family; avoid idle chatter, which, oh-my-god, is one of the hardest things for we moes to get a grip on; and don’t pine away wanting what somebody else has. Finally, don’t get caught up in Wrong View, whether your own or somebody else’s.

Those are a lot of “don’ts”, but unless you are operating from that base, you aren’t going to be getting much out of Buddhism. In fact, you’ll likely end up like one of those New Age folks who put a fake smile on their faces all the time, or like Michael in “The Boys in the Band”: you’ll have a bunch of really nice sweaters, but none of them will be paid for.

- http://mybuddhaispink.blogspot.com/

correspondence after the visit

Up early and browsing around randomly while I drank my coffee this morning, I came across the following thought-starter:

Pema Chödrön’s latest book reminded us “When we build a house, we start by creating a stable foundation. Just so, when we wish to benefit others, we start by developing warmth or friendship for ourselves. It’s common, however, for people to have a distorted view of this friendliness and warmth. We’ll say, for instance, that we need to take care of ourselves, but how many of us really know how to do this? When clinging to security and comfort, and warding off pain, become the focus of our lives, we don’t end up feeling cared for and we certainly don’t feel motivated to extend ourselves to others. We end up feeling more threatened or irritable, more unable to relax.”

And I got to wondering exactly what have I been doing to take care of myself these past few weeks? Maybe that's why I've been "irritable, more unable to relax," because I've been driven, driven, driven. I thought I was doing a good thing by working so hard, putting the proverbial bread on the table and so forth. Instead, I simply managed to push myself into a meltdown at work that got real ugly real fast. In trying so hard to be of service, to be useful, I just got unbalanced and ran off the rails.

The contrast between what I've been doing lately and y'all's visit yesterday was stark. It was so pleasant just to chat and listen to y'all talk about whatever came up that I felt guilty for relaxing. Today I realized that far from feeling guilty, I should instead be thanking y'all for reteaching me to indulge myself occasionally. Only then will I be human enough to be able to reach out and share some of that with somebody else.

And that brings up the paradoxial situation where we've got to first help ourselves in order to help others, which is really a root condition of capitalism. Both in a micro and in a macro way, we've got to be good to ourselves so that we can be good to others. Sacrifice may be necessary, but if we sacrifice our entire selves, how does that help anybody else? The liberal idealogy that's infesting our national politics that says we've got to rob the rich to feed the poor is just wrong. We've got to nuture the rich, and those who are working to be rich, so that they can give back to those around them. I think the principle works both on an individual level and on a national level.

So.....be advised that I had a good time with y'all, and that the benefits of me enjoying myself will probably propogate outwards in ways unknown. Funny how that works, huh?

When I lie dying

When I lie dying don't crowd around.
Don't watch me or call in my kin
to come and stand and stare.
I'll have no words of wisdom I haven't already said,
not at the last instant.
Don't anticipate my death.
Don't watch me sigh out the last breath.
I want my death to be unlooked for,
a spear thrown by a hidden assassin,
so that you speak of my death only in the past tense.

quote of the day

I'm copying and posting this here so I won't lose it. It's from Karen Maezen Miller's Mommazen site.

"We practice Buddhism so we will no longer be blinded by what we think, and wake up instead to how things are."

BB team at State competition