correspondence after the visit

Up early and browsing around randomly while I drank my coffee this morning, I came across the following thought-starter:

Pema Chödrön’s latest book reminded us “When we build a house, we start by creating a stable foundation. Just so, when we wish to benefit others, we start by developing warmth or friendship for ourselves. It’s common, however, for people to have a distorted view of this friendliness and warmth. We’ll say, for instance, that we need to take care of ourselves, but how many of us really know how to do this? When clinging to security and comfort, and warding off pain, become the focus of our lives, we don’t end up feeling cared for and we certainly don’t feel motivated to extend ourselves to others. We end up feeling more threatened or irritable, more unable to relax.”

And I got to wondering exactly what have I been doing to take care of myself these past few weeks? Maybe that's why I've been "irritable, more unable to relax," because I've been driven, driven, driven. I thought I was doing a good thing by working so hard, putting the proverbial bread on the table and so forth. Instead, I simply managed to push myself into a meltdown at work that got real ugly real fast. In trying so hard to be of service, to be useful, I just got unbalanced and ran off the rails.

The contrast between what I've been doing lately and y'all's visit yesterday was stark. It was so pleasant just to chat and listen to y'all talk about whatever came up that I felt guilty for relaxing. Today I realized that far from feeling guilty, I should instead be thanking y'all for reteaching me to indulge myself occasionally. Only then will I be human enough to be able to reach out and share some of that with somebody else.

And that brings up the paradoxial situation where we've got to first help ourselves in order to help others, which is really a root condition of capitalism. Both in a micro and in a macro way, we've got to be good to ourselves so that we can be good to others. Sacrifice may be necessary, but if we sacrifice our entire selves, how does that help anybody else? The liberal idealogy that's infesting our national politics that says we've got to rob the rich to feed the poor is just wrong. We've got to nuture the rich, and those who are working to be rich, so that they can give back to those around them. I think the principle works both on an individual level and on a national level.

So.....be advised that I had a good time with y'all, and that the benefits of me enjoying myself will probably propogate outwards in ways unknown. Funny how that works, huh?

When I lie dying

When I lie dying don't crowd around.
Don't watch me or call in my kin
to come and stand and stare.
I'll have no words of wisdom I haven't already said,
not at the last instant.
Don't anticipate my death.
Don't watch me sigh out the last breath.
I want my death to be unlooked for,
a spear thrown by a hidden assassin,
so that you speak of my death only in the past tense.

quote of the day

I'm copying and posting this here so I won't lose it. It's from Karen Maezen Miller's Mommazen site.

"We practice Buddhism so we will no longer be blinded by what we think, and wake up instead to how things are."

BB team at State competition

punctuation haiku

Not punctuation,
but decoration instead,
our language is lost.

A chicken looks down the egg chute

Oh, my sisters,
I have seen heaven
and know the meaning of life.

Our pleasure-pain,
our redemption in white,
the product of our bodies given freely,
that which falls away from us
passes down these chutes to a wondorous place.

Our offspring gather of their own accord.
Not yet born,
they roll together on a highway
through yon blessed archway.

There I saw a place of great commotion.
I think it was heaven
or the prelude to heaven.

Our offspring march and move by thousands together.
They are washed,
the sinners separated and broken by unknown trials.

Beings attend them.
Shouting "A qui" and "Que tal," they sweat over our darlings.

There is a great gathering together in nests of cunning design,
colored bright blue or yellow or pink.
Each holds twelve, a divine number.

And in vessels square and boxy they are borne beyond.
Whither I know not, only that it is cold there.

I have seen heaven and know the meaning of our lives.
We produce offspring for heaven
a dozen at a time.

volunteer work