answering an email about hypocrisy

> How do you stop being a hypocrite and start living the right way?

It's difficult to answer that question because of the assumptions it contains, but I'll try.

The quick and dirty answer is you can't, but that's just because you're asking the wrong question. Anytime you compare some ideal with what's going on around you, you're bound to lose. You never can live up to your ideals - never. It's not a bad thing to have ideals, of course, or the wish to improve. But it is bad to beat yourself up over not reaching them.

Ideals are just thoughts, and thoughts aren't reality. The best analogy I can think of (or steal from Brad Warner) is that of firing an arrow at a target. The target is your ideal. You fire the arrow and it flies, not based on the target, but on your actions in the here and now. The target can't affect the arrow. Only your actions can. Instead of getting pissed off because you missed the target, ask yourself what you're doing to affect the flight of the arrow. Better yet, notice where the arrow is actually going. That's reality.

Your arrow doesn't hit the pretty bull's-eye, but goes exactly where it goes according to your real actions. Life hands you all sorts of shit and you have to act out of where you really are, not out of some ideal of where you think you ought to be. That doesn't mean you don't aim at all, but it does mean that you need to pay attention to the act of aiming, not to the target itself.

To me, that means paying attention to who I really am and what I really think, losing the ability to lie to myself. It's trying to see what the truth is, where is the arrow really hitting, not where do I think it ought to hit. Once I see where that arrow is hitting, then I can take a look at what I'm doing to make it hit there. Only then do I know what to change, if change is possible.

Your mileage may vary, but for me, the best way to do all that is Zen Buddhism. To sort of paraphrase some things Brad has said better than me: The whole idea of Zen in the beginning was to answer the question, How can we live a truly happy life? Buddha didn't want to find something holy; he just wanted a life that wasn't a fucking drag all the time. The best way to live life is to live the way you want to. But living the life you really want to live is not the same as living the life you THINK you want to live. Before you live the life you truly want to live, you need to find out what you truly want. You need to look straight into your own mind and weed out your real desires from the false ones you've created out of thought.

In effect, you've got to know who you are and see clearly what you're doing and see clearly the effects of your actions. I know that sounds so simplistic as to be stupid and insulting, but it's hard as hell to do. We all know that acting morally tends to make us happier. It's hard for me to be happy if the people around me are unhappy, but it's hard for the people around me to be happy if I'm acting like an asshole. So if I want to be happy, morality seems like a good place to start. But I don't mean memorizing some set of rules and beating myself up when I don't live up to them. I mean being careful to see, really see, really notice how my actions affect things, how what I do makes that arrow fly.

There's a lot more to it than that, and I'm only scratching the surface, but I know you don't give two shits about Zen, so I won't go into the specifics of why I think Zazen is the cats ass when it comes to affecting the flight of your arrow.

Instead, to get back to your original question about hypocrisy, I'd simply counsel patience, especially patience with yourself. I don't think you know what you want. I don't think you see where you're at. And I think you give yourself far too little credit for the search.

We can all say the same for ourselves. We see our own faults all too well, and we call these faults our self, but it's a false self. We are what we do, not what we think we do. Look at what you do, not what you think, and especially not what you think you do.

Hypocrisy is a Treasury Secretary who doesn't pay his own taxes. It's not a friend who willingly shares her time, energy (and beer!), who makes the effort to stay in touch with folks, who's accepting of the outer weirdnesses of relatives and friends who have more faults than she ever dreamed of having. If you treated yourself half as well as you treat those around you, I think the question you asked might have little meaning to you.

That's my long-winded mish-mash anyway.

_/\_

How long is now - Haiku

The question remains,
how long is now? I don't know,
but it's all we have.

Aniston haiku

A GQ picture
of Jennifer Aniston
how long will I stare?

rude haiku

Fuck you. Fuck me too.
And an argument ensues.
We fight, but who wins?

Resigning from Science Fiction Book Club

Dear Sirs,

Please cancel my membership, member number XXXXXX.

While I do not believe I am required to give you a reason for the cancelation and you may not care whether there is a reason or not, I will let you know why: Rome Quezada's most recent editorial comments in the club flyer.

I do not ask that everyone, or indeed anyone, agree with or even respect my political views, but when I find myself and my beliefs actively mocked by the representative of a company which then expects me to give them my hard-earned dollars, I will make a decision to spend that money elsewhere. Rome Quezada's smug assumption that everyone in his audience shares his adoration for Obama is wrong. His snarky observation that the end of the Bush presidency marks an "Escape from Hell" insults millions of voters, me among them.

Rome Quezada is free to hold whatever political views he wishes. He is free to express those views however and wherever he wishes as well. But by doing so, he has quite deliberately insulted and belittled those members of the book club who do not share his views. Why he chose to express himself in this manner is a mystery, but it should be no mystery to you why I am choosing to end a long association with the club. I will not spend my money with a company that allows this type of unwarranted mean-spirited screed to be presented so inappropriately.

I voted in November, and I am voting again now by taking my business elsewhere. Please cancel my membership.

Sincerely,

XXXXXX

My back seized up

My back seized up,
locking into place like a fold-up dime store ruler,
all angles and joints made to move,
but made in China, made cheap,
all cracked plastic and inferior alloys,
that work for a while, doomed to die.

Coffee talk

Coke was "the pause that refreshes."
Our pause sustains and explores,
building like birds a nest of shared moments.
We walk in. We order. He pours.

One hot, one cold, punch the card,
such a small price to open a door.
Heft of cup, bitter but sweet,
it's only coffee talk, but it's more.

I am Superman, Einstein, and Johnson,
by turns laughing or silent in thought,
amazed at my perfect good fortune.
You teach and I'm happily taught,

or maybe I show you a difference,
or point out some lines in a book,
and deepen our sense of wonder
at the paths that each of us took.

Another sip brings up the movies,
those captive slices of life.
We both love the real ones
that stab the heart like a knife.

But too soon my cup comes up empty,
and then to our watches we peek,
and coffee time's over, but take heart;
we'll do it again in a week.